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DVDs for March 15, 2011

The Fighter

If you like boxing, and you feel like the 5,000,000 boxing movies that are currently out there aren’t enough to satisfy your boxing movie craving, here is The Fighter, another in a string of boxing-related Oscar winners. It features Mark Wahlberg as the boxer in question, who is being trained by his washed-up brother. The underdog stories of these boxing movies are what attract the Oscars, but the underdog is not the reason you should watch this one. It’s the brother (played by Christian Bale) and the girlfriend (played by Amy Adams). After all, they’re the ones that won the two Oscars attributed to the film.

Buy The Fighter on DVD or on Blu-Ray.

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Hereafter

This is one of the bucket load of Matt Damon films released this year, and if you’re looking to tell it apart from the others, this is the one about ghosts. It tries to interweave the stories of three people who have lost someone close to them – Matt Damon, a French lady, and a British schoolboy – and explore the concept of life after death, but mostly it just faffs around and doesn’t really go anywhere. The only thing that’s really memorable about the film (and the reason it was nominated for an Oscar) is the scene where they used special effects to depict a tsunami wrecking a city. And that’s also the reason it was pulled from theaters in Japan.

Buy Hereafter on DVD or on Blu-Ray.
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The Switch

The idea that someone could not only get ahold of a friend’s donor sperm but replace it with his own is absurd, but if you can get past the ridiculous premise, The Switch is a pretty decent movie. It’s billed as a romantic comedy between the switcher (Jason Bateman) and the switchee (Jennifer Aniston), and there the requisite scenes of yelling and smoochies are there, but it’s really more of a buddy movie about him getting to know his neurotic but extremely adorable son (Thomas Robinson). You can check out my full review if you need a more in-depth analysis.

Buy The Switch on DVD or on Blu-Ray.
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The Wildest Dream: Conquest of Everest

The story of George Mallory is an interesting one. He’s the mountaineer who famously said he wanted to climb Everest because it was there. He was the first one to try it in 1924 but then he disappeared and wasn’t found until 75 years later. Wildest Dream tells that story, but in a part documentary, part movie sort of way, no doubt owing to how difficult/expensive/impossible it would be to film a Hollywood-style drama at 30,000 ft. With such an iconic story and voice talents like Hugh Dancy, Ralph Fiennes, and Liam Neeson involved, it’s worth taking a look at.

Buy Wildest Dream: Conquest of Everest on DVD or on Blu-Ray.
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Red Riding Hood Review

poster from the Warner Bros. film Red Riding Hood

Everyone has heard the story of little red riding hood. In it, a young girl sets out to bring food to her grandma in the woods and is too thick to immediately recognize that she’s actually in the presence of a talking wolf, whereupon she is either eaten or chased around a bit before being rescued by a handsome woodsman depending on how badly your parents wanted you to be traumatized. The moral of the story is never bring food to your grandmother, so Warner Bros. banked on the fact that since no one is bringing food to their grandmothers, everyone would have enough time to see a movie version of this classic story:

A young woman caught between two suitors becomes the center of controversy when it turns out that someone in their village is a murderous werewolf.

Okay, so it’s not really the story our parents told us. It’s more like the gruesome old-timey version that’s been tweaked to appeal to the Twilight crowd, what with the two suitors and how one of them may or may not be a werewolf. In fact, the only real similarities between the movie and story we were all told is that the main character wears a red cape and has a grandmother. So really, it’s just another movie. The question is: is it a good one? The answer: yeah, mostly.

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Trailer Reviews for March 11, 2011

Releasing this weekend: Battle: Los Angeles, Red Riding Hood, Mars Needs Moms, Cedar Rapids, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec, and the Cape Breton Film series is showing Inside Job.

BATTLE: LOS ANGELES



Okay, so do the aliens really sing lullabies in Wall-E filter-voice or is that just a gimmick they made up in order to have some contrast in the trailer? Because from the visuals, this whole movie looks like just one big battle (hence the title, I suppose). Kind of like Independence Day, but without all that pesky talking. Or like Skyline, period. Come to think of it, why did they feel it necessary to make this movie? The trailer gives no hint of any factor that might indicate it has anything new and different to offer, so I am forced to conclude that it doesn’t. It’s the same alien invasion movie as always, except this time starring Aaron Eckhart and the aliens from Space: Above and Beyond (remember that show?)

RED RIDING HOOD



So this is like the 1300s, but she’s dating a boy who looks like he stepped off the cast poster for Twilight? Give me a break. (I’m guessing that’s the director’s influence) This seems like a pretty cool setup for a thriller/horror/mystery type story – there’s a werewolf and it’s someone in town. It’s kind of like one of those Agatha Christie whodunnits where they’re all cloistered in Lord So-And-So’s country house. I don’t see how it’s related to the fairy tale of little red riding hood, apart from the fact that Amanda Seyfried has a red cape on and it’s got a hood. Is the wolf going to pretend to be her grandmother? Is she going to bring it cakes in a picnic basket? I might be intrigued enough to actually pay for a ticket in order to find out.

MARS NEEDS MOMS



Ugh, Disney, what were you thinking? Everything about this movie just drips with lameness. There’s not one line of dialogue in this whole trailer that didn’t make me cringe, and they probably cut in their BEST lines to draw people in! They actually used the words “butt blasters.” Make no mistake – this isn’t a family movie, like Wall-E or How to Train Your Dragon, where there are jokes and themes that adults AND kids can relate to. This is a straight-up kids’ movie of the kind that make parents groan and wish they were somewhere else. So if your kid is begging to see this movie, find some poor unsuspecting relation to foist them off on. You can call it bonding time.

CEDAR RAPIDS



I’m still trying to figure out how my least favorite Saturday Night Live actor became a big mainstream comedy movie star. Personally, I blame The Hangover. Ever since then Ed Helms has been everywhere, and I don’t like it. I don’t think he’s funny. I’m not a particular fan of John C. Reilly, either, at least not as a leading comedy man. I like him in a subsidiary role, like in Talladega Nights. But alas, I hardly ever get what I want, and sometimes I get the total opposite of what I want. Which is pretty much what this movie is: an awkward, old nerd comedy starring two of the ranking names on my “least funny comedy actors” list. Oh well. At least no one’s forcing me to see it.

THE EXTRAORDINARY ADVENTURES OF ADELE BLANC-SEC



If you couldn’t tell from that babble at the end of the trailer, this is a French movie (a French-Quebec movie, not a French-France movie, as evidenced by the fact that it is not fractured and/or incredibly depressing). Therefore, it will probably only be playing in theaters in French areas, and perhaps later on in subtitle-o-vision in the tiny theaters in English areas. It is unlikely that I will come across an English copy before the DVD comes out, which is a shame, because it looks really cool. Adventure, pterodactyls, early 20th Centuryness… like a kids’ book, but in movie form, and for grown-ups. I’d go.

And then there’s Inside Job. The film series missed the boat on that one, as it’s already out on DVD (I talked about it in the post before this one), but if you want to see it on the big screen, Thursday night at 7pm is your last chance. Check out my trailer review to see if you find it interesting enough to go.

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DVDs for March 8, 2011

The Next Three Days

Imagine, for a moment, that you are an idiot. As an idiot, you would naturally assume that the best thing to do for your son after your wife has gone to prison for murder is to bust her loose and kill a bunch of people in the process. In this case (the idiot case) the plot of The Next Three Days makes perfect sense. In reality, however, it would pretty much guarantee that Daddy got sent to jail along with Mummy, leaving Junior to either become a serial killer or go into law enforcement (there are really only two ways these kinds of thing shake out). If you can’t live without seeing every one of Russell Crowe’s movies, send your sense of disbelief to Madagascar for the day and rent this movie.

Buy The Next Three Days on DVD or on Blu-Ray.

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Morning Glory

You know how sometimes, old famous people will be in movies with young famous people and the director will stick them together and pretend it’s not pervy and weird? Well this movie isn’t like that. Yes it stars Harrison Ford. Yes it also stars Rachel McAdams. But not in THAT way. In a really hilarious morning news show anchor/producer mentor/friendship way. It’s about a morning news producer struggling with her warring co-hosts to keep her show above water. Diane Keaton and Patrick Wilson are in it too (as Harrison Ford’s co-anchor and Rachel McAdams’ boyfriend, respectively) and they’re hysterical too. It’s part romantic comedy, part workplace comedy, all worth watching. Check out my full review if you don’t believe me.

Buy Morning Glory on DVD or on Blu-Ray.
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Inside Job

Most people don’t rent documentaries or go to documentaries in theaters or even watch TV channels that feature documentaries unless they’re in a dentist’s waiting room or something. The only documentaries they can be induced to watch are the really popular ones (i.e. the ones made by Michael Moore, Disney, or Al Gore), and they do so in order to get angry about a topic like everyone else is. If you’re one of these people, add Inside Job to your list, because it’s about the financial crisis, and how you were screwed. People who like docs have seen it already. Even if you don’t like docs, this is stuff you should know about. If it helps, it’s narrated by Matt Damon.

Buy Inside Job on DVD or on Blu-Ray.
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Jackass 3

And now we snap back from the intelligent end of the spectrum to the extremely…. not…. end of the spectrum. Jackass, that TV show that idiots like to watch in order to get ideas about how to bother their neighbors, cause civic damage, and/or kill themselves, has come out with a third movie. It’s not a movie in the sense tit has a plot or characters. It’s their usual stupid, dangerous stunts, but this time you have the option of watching it in 3D. I recommend renting it for any bothersome idiots you know, because there’s always the hope that they will accidentally remove themselves from the gene pool trying to emulate Johnny Knoxville and his brain dead buddies.

Buy Jackass 3 on DVD or on Blu-Ray (includes regular and 3D).
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Trailer Reviews for March 4, 2011

Releasing this weekend: The Adjustment Bureau, Rango, Beastly, Another Year and the Cape Breton Film series is showing Blue Valentine.

THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU



Now this looks interesting! I just love it when there’s a huge dark conspiracy. The huger and darker the better (does that mean I’m paranoid, or that I want to be paranoid?) Anyway, I’m not a Matt Damon fan (I find him very bland and not at all attractive, I’m not sure what all the fuss is about) but I like Emily Blunt. Besides, the idea and story in this movie look interesting enough to stir me out of my apathy. Like Wanted but not lame. Blank faced old men in suits and hats are the cliché of posh evilness (even if they don’t float around like the ones on Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and the whole “we monitor the entire world” thing sounds just a little too much like Santa Claus physics, even for movie believability, but the coolness… oh the coolness. I’d totally see this one.

RANGO



Oddly, animated films tend to be very close-lipped about their plots, at least until the last minute when they release a trailer that actually shows you more than one scene from the film. Except this IS the long trailer, and I’m still not sure what’s going on. I gather from the TV spots that Rango (the lizard who is voiced by Johnny Depp) is in town to become the new sheriff, but why that involved walking through the desert and almost getting eaten by a hawk is beyond me. All the same, I loved Pirates of the Caribbean, and I do rather like Johnny Depp (though it is odd to see him in a movie without his bosom buddy Tim Burton) so this is another movie that I’d totally see. Two in one week!

BEASTLY



Hrm. I see I have a dilemma on my hands. There are not two but THREE movies coming out this week that look interesting enough to spend money on. It’s kind of weird that Alex Pettyfer/Beast is speaking in a high school that looks like the lobby of a multinational corporation… is he a student or some kind of businessman? Has he already graduated? Anyway I loooooove the Disney version of Beauty and the Beast, and although this one’s clearly aiming to be darker and less musical than the Disney version (sorry, Vanessa Hudgins from High School Musical) I still expect to like it. I wonder what excuse he gives her for keeping her in his house… and what weird disease he makes up to explain his “condition” (there was a terrible accident in the ink pen factory….) Is it enough to entice me away from Rango and The Adjustment Bureau though? We shall see.

ANOTHER YEAR



Another trailer without a hint of plot, indicating to me that this is another one of those plotless character based things that show up so often on awards lists because…. film slobs hate plot? I don’t know. Anyway, the title, “Another Year” tells me that what happens in the movie is more of the same for the characters in it. Certainly nothing in the trailer seemed too wild and crazy. They might as well have called it “normal things happening to normal people, as they do normally” and be on the nose about it. Sometimes I can go for character-based stories (I loved Playing By Heart), but there’s just nothing about these characters that really draws me in. It’s a moot point, of course, since my theater won’t get it.

BLUE VALENTINE



It didn’t win anything at the Oscars, but it was good enough to get nominated, which is why the film series people went out of their way to bring it into town. It seems like it starts out a little bit like Once, with the strangers playing hobo guitar outside a shop, but then veers off into tragedyland judging by the tears and the punching. I’m not a fan of the tragedyland veerage myself (I am of the “real-life-is-depressing-enough” persuasion) so I can only occasionally be induced to watch something like this. Since I’m not feeling peppy enough to need a comedown this week, I won’t be going, but if you to see Blue Valentine on the big screen, this is probably your last shot at it. It plays Thursday at 7pm.

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DVDs for March 1, 2011

127 Hours

Fresh off of six nominations and zero wins at the 2011 Oscars, here is Danny Boyle’s latest film 127 Hours, new to DVD and Blu-Ray. It’s not Danny Boyle’s best work, but it just might be James Franco’s. He was nominated for Best Actor for his portrayal of a too-cool hiker who gets trapped in a canyon with his arm under a rock for days, but sadly this performance came in the same year as Colin Firth’s totally mind-blowing turn as King George VI. If you’re not too squeamish, you should check it out, or you can read my full review first.

Buy 127 Hours on DVD or on Blu-Ray.

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Love and Other Drugs

You know, I wasn’t that impressed with Love and Other Drugs after I had seen it (I wasn’t very nice to it in my review) but I think my feelings have improved with time, because now I think it’s pretty good. It’s not light and fluffy like your typical romantic comedy (there are serious diseases in it) but it is both romantic and funny. Anne Hathaway is very impressive (though not impressive enough to get an Oscar nomination, apparently) and Jake Gyllenhaal is… well… Jake Gyllenhaal. Reasonably cute, not a bad actor. There are worse movies you could rent, especially if you’re limiting yourself to the romantic comedy section. So give it a try.

Buy Love and Other Drugs on DVDor on Blu-Ray.
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Burlesque

I’m sorry, Christina Aguilera, but you do not get to list yourself by your first name only. You are not that famous, and your name is not that original. When I hear “Cher,” I think of that singer. When I hear “Christina,” I think of Sandra Oh’s character from Grey’s Anatomy, who is way awesomer than you. So sign your whole name. Anyway… the film is about a girl who gets a job waiting tables in a Burleqsue club but she REALLY REALLY wants to be on stage, so you can pretty much figure out the whole plot from there. Like Showgirls, but less aggressively awful. See it if you’re dying for a new musical, but it’s never going to be a classic.

Buy Burlesque on DVD or on Blu-Ray.
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Faster

Do you think traffic laws should be for other people? Do you secretly long to burn up your quiet suburban streets at 120mph? Do you like it when The Rock hurts and/or kills people? If you answered yes to all these questions, then you meet the requirements to enjoy Faster. It’s not smart, it’s not twisty, it’s not mysterious, but it is violent and loud. In it, a man gets out of prison and starts killing people in revenge for his brother’s death. Dwayne Johnson is allowed to call himself by his name now, and not his silly wrestling monkier, but this movie is essentially the same as all the roles he took back when he was bashing (pretend) heads for a living.

Buy Faster on DVD or on Blu-Ray.
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I Am Number Four Review

poster from the Dreamworks SKG film I Am Number Four

When I was doing my trailer reviews for this weekend’s movies, I guessed that I am Number Four was being deliberately obtuse about its plot. All the trailer said was that he was Number Four, that he had escaped, and that someone was coming to kill him. No hints of who was coming or why or how he had come across his superpowers. My theory was that either the movie’s plot was so twisty they couldn’t talk about it without spoiling it, or the filmmakers were hiding it because people would think it was stupid. Well, I saw the movie. And now I understand. The plot, at its most basic level, goes like this:

A teenage boy with superpowers and his protector are on the run from assassins, but become tied to a town when the boy falls in love, and must stand and fight instead of running.

Now that I’ve seen the movie, I can understand why they hid the rest of it. Because it sounds silly. It’s only kind of silly in the full movie but in a trailer it would have sounded downright ridiculous. Like a joke that doesn’t know it’s a joke. I don’t consider it a spoiler to tell you what it is they’re hiding, because you find out like 12 seconds into the movie and the story has been released in book form for ages. Also, the movie would be impossible to review without mentioning this big, glaring, central fact. But since I respect your delicate sensibilities, I’ll give you time to bugger off before I continue.

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DVDs for February 15, 2011

Unstoppable

Remember that movie Speed, where Keanu Reeves had to drive a speeding bus? And Speed 2, where Jason Patric had to drive a speeding boat? Well this is the same thing, only backwards, and on a train. Denzel Washington and Chris Pine are trying to stop a train full of toxic chemicals from… hitting stuff… I guess. Though I don’t know why they couldn’t just move everything off the tracks and then hit the brakes. It’s not like trains have a lot of range of motion. Anyway, the whole thing seems kind of ridiculous so I probably won’t watch it until I’m on a plane or something and I have run out of book to read.

Buy Unstoppable on DVD or on Blu-Ray

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Waiting for Superman

Despite the superhero reference in the title, this isn’t a comic book movie. It’s a documentary about the American school system. It follows a handful of kids in inner city schools who are hoping to get into private school so they actually have a chance at going to college. It’s meant to do the same thing that An Inconvenient Truth did for environmentalism and actually get people to give a crap about what’s going on in the schools (bottom line seems to be teachers suck, no one cares, kids get dumb, the end). Which isn’t surprising, given that Davis Guggenheim directed both films. Watch it, but if you’re going to get all riled up and start picketing Canadian schools, do a little research and find out if they’re actually the same first (kind of, but not really).

Buy Waiting for Superman on DVD or on Blu-Ray.


White Lion

I love movies about big cats, especially when the big cats actually get to play themselves. White Lion is one of these, filmed in the tradition of Two Brothers and Duma where the filmmakers will risk frustration and a few bites to avoid awful, fake CGI graphics and “talking” animal mouths a la the Buddies series. The story follows an extremely cute white lion cub who has legendary significance to the local Africans and monetary significance to big game hunters as it tries to grow up and have a life. Definitely check it out if you like kid stuff like I do.

Buy White Lion on DVD or on Blu-Ray.


You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

I hate Woody Allen, as an actor, as a director, and as a writer (it’s the anti-trifecta) so no points for guessing whether or not I’m going to recommend this movie. (I’m not.) It’s supposed to be a comedy about two couples who are neurotic and get into trouble, which is to say there isn’t really a story at all, only characters. That can work sometimes, if the writer knows what he or she is doing, but considering that Woody Allen’s definition of “funny” is my definition of weird and awkward, I don’t hold a lot of hope that it could be good. If you’re a fan, fine, rent it, but do come back here and let me gloat when you end up less than impressed.

Buy You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger on DVD or on Blu-Ray.

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Advice for People With No Valentines, Which I Have Learned From Watching Movies

Last year I wrote a list of unconventional Valentine’s Day movies to watch with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but if you’re like me, you have no Valentine for the upcoming holiday. When Monday rolls around, people like you and me have two choices. We can sit around going “boy, I sure hate Valentine’s Day” or we can get off our asses and go get ourselves a partner. How does one go about landing a boyfriend or girlfriend? Well, conventional wisdom states you should internet date or hang out in bars. But instead, try one of these sure-fire, guaranteed to work methods that I have learned from watching movies.

Get Fired

As movies like Morning Glory and How Do You Know show us, the instant you get fired from your job (as long as you work very hard, are not at all appreciated by your boss, and are fired through no fault of your own) you will immediately get a new and better job where there will be attractive people to date, or at least someone rich that you meet on a street corner who is willing to support you while you ponder your life choices.

Crash a Vehicle

This never fails. Crash a car, crash a plane, crash a train, crash a dogsled…you don’t even have to be driving it. All you have to do is be on it and a hero/heroine will swoop in out of nowhere a la Speed and sweep you off your feet. Or, if you happen to crash on a deserted island, whichever man/woman you happen to be traveling with or near will automatically become your boyfriend/girlfriend by the time you get back to civilization (see Romancing the Stone, Six Days, Seven Nights).

Move to the Middle of Nowhere

Persons with common sense would naturally assume that the bigger the city they move to the bigger the dating pool and therefore the greater the chances that they find a compatible mate. But these people are wrong. You need to move to the most godforsaken corner of nowhere in order to find your soul mate. It happened in Twilight, it happened in New in Town, and it will happen to you.

Kill Your Friend

Experience (gleaned from watching Life As We Know It, No Reservations, and Raising Helen) says that if you bump off your friend/relative and his/her partner, they will leave you their child and automatic pass into the land of significant otherdom. You may end up falling in love with a person you hate right now, but them’s the breaks.

Go on Vacation

This is probably the easiest one to accomplish on short notice (remember: Valentine’s Day is on Monday). It doesn’t have to be anywhere exotic or expensive, and you don’t even have to go alone. But leaving your home country is guaranteed to get you a hot partner, even if you don’t really want one. It worked in Eat, Pray, Love, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, French Kiss, and Letters to Juliet, so it must be true.

Become Terminally Ill

Sadly you’ll only get a couple of months of couples bliss out of this one, but it never fails, at least if you believe Nicholas Sparks. A better bet would be to try and get on the other side of the equation by hanging around sick people in the hospital. It worked for Jake Gyllenhaal in Love and Other Drugs and for Izzy on Grey’s Anatomy, though the trade off is usually having to look after them and then be sad when they die.

Become Embroiled in an International Conspiracy

This can be difficult to accomplish if you don’t work for the “State Department” (and by that I mean the fake State Department, the one that employs CIA agents), but if you believe Knight and Day, RED, and every James Bond movie ever made, all you have to do is hang around doing the things you normally do, like traveling on planes, answering phones in a call center, or being a nuclear scientist, and a hot secret agent will one day just fall into your lap accompanied by a whole lot of trouble. If you’re lucky, the hot agent will stay and the trouble will leave, not the other way around.

Act Like An Idiot

This one works especially well for men, particularly fat and/or ugly ones who like to tell jokes. As movies like Just Go With It, Hitch, and The Invention of Lying suggest, the more you act like a hopeless tool the more irresistible attractive women will find you. It even sometimes works for women. Just look at When in Rome. She acted like a lunatic and she landed Josh Duhamel!

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Trailer Reviews for February 11, 2011

Releasing this weekend: Gnomeo and Juliet, Just Go With It, The Eaglr, The Way Back, From Prada To Nada, and (sigh) Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. The Cape Breton Film series is also showing You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger.

GNOMEO AND JULIET



So… if this is the garden gnome version of Romeo and Juliet, what happens at the end? Does someone get smashed on the pavement or taken to the dump? Shakespearian tragedies don’t make for very upbeat children’s comedies, so I’ll bet they took some liberties with the ending… and the middle where that guy gets killed in a swordfight… okay, so it probably bears only a token resemblance to the actual play. But it could be cute. It’s like Toy Story with garden gnomes. It won’t be as clever but at least it doesn’t involve Justin Beiber.

JUST GO WITH IT



Movies in which a marginally funny, out of shape, unattractive loser is seemingly irresistible to glamorous, beautiful women annoy me. Adam Sandler is not a catch. Family or not, if he wasn’t famous he’d never get a date. Ever. He still dresses like a high school burnout, for crying out loud. Anyway, this has to be the least believable premise for a relationship ever, and that’s even grading it on a romantic comedy bell curve. It’s not going to be funny, either. Even if you’re an Adam Sandler fan (which I am not) any movie that will put the word “pee pee” in the trailer (not this version) is obviously not worth my time.

THE EAGLE



ANOTHER Ancient Roman battle movie? How many will be enough? Oddly enough, I may actually see this one, because it’s not based on some producer’s whim of what would look cool or on some bloody comic book, it’s actually based on a young adult novel by Rosemary Sutcliffe called The Eagle of the Ninth and though it’s about Romans, it’s set in Britain. Channing Tatum is MUCH too old to play Marcus (he was about 17 in the book, more about Jamie Bell’s age) but the fighting bits are not the main part of the story, it’s more about cultural differences, friendship, honor, etc. etc. Anyway I want to see how faithfully they adapted it.

THE WAY BACK



A Russian film made by an Australian and starring an American, two Englishmen, and an Irishman. I guess I can still be surprised. Peter Weir made Gallipoli, an Australian war film about equal to this one in scope, and that would be enough to make me want to see it. However, it being about the Gulags is also a big appeal for me – I studied Russian and Russian history in college. This movie is like One Day In The Life of Ivan Denisovich combined with The Great Escape and Rabbit Proof Fence. Aren’t you intrigued? I’m intrigued. But we’ll never get it here. I’ll have to wait for the DVD.

FROM PRADA TO NADA



So… what is this movie about? Is it making fun of poor Mexicans or rich people who think Mexicans are all gardeners or both? I suppose it could theoretically be touching and heartwarming and everyone could make friends, but it seems more likely to be lame and clichéd and to try really hard to make obvious jokes. This is something you’ll rent a few years down the line when you’re really desperate and in a corner store in a small town. Or better yet – on an airplane. I will forget this movie exists by tomorrow.

JUSTIN BIEBER: NEVER SAY NEVER



Man, I can’t help it, this movie just seems like such a huge joke to me. Taking itself all seriously, like it’s a real movie and not just a cynical attempt to pry money from tween girls before they lose interest and move on to something else. Like Justin Bieber has actually struggled for anything in his short life (he made a YouTube video and was handed a music career). Well Justin, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to break your rule and say never. I will never see this movie. I will especially never PAY MONEY to see this movie. In fact, I would pay money NOT to have to see this movie.

I’ve already talked about You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger. You can read my trailer review of it here. Remember: it’s only playing Thursday at 7pm.

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