KICK ASS 2
I think I must be getting old, because I really don’t want to see this movie. I enjoyed Kick Ass well enough, mostly because they actually made a token concession to reality and had the teen superhero-wannabes get their asses handed to them. But this one just seems like a regular superhero movie – a bunch of people inexplicably able to beat up bad guys for the entertainment of the audience. Also, their teen smartassery makes me want to slap them in the face. Okay, maybe that’s just how I feel about Hit Girl. She just has one of those sneering faces you want to slap. So no thank you, Kick Ass 2, I am maxed out on your franchise after one film.
I cannot express the depths to which I do not care about Steve Jobs or the overpriced gadgets he markets to ‘the cool kids’, so this movie would have to be pretty damn amazing looking to entice me. It’s not an impossible thing to do – I hate Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg but I still went to see The Social Network, precisely because they didn’t sugarcoat the story to make him look like a saint (actually, he comes across as quite a large douchebag). Steve Jobs was crazy (according to all the people I’ve talked to who read the biography, anyway) and some of it does seem to come across here, but they’re still obviously on the hero worship train. Oh, he’s such a VISIONARY he started a REVOLUTION. He’s being held down by THE MAN. Ugh. No thanks.
This movie reminds me an awful lot of Cypher, except without the part where it messes with the audience’s head in addition to the main character’s. The premise also seems kind of sketchy. He’s a genius with technology, which would make him desirable to about a million Fortune 500 companies, yet they make it seem like the only job he can get is one that offends his morals (and, incidentally, the law). And then they turn him into Schmoozy McMoneybags because… why? Because technology companies won’t look at him if he wears a plaid shirt? Half of Silicon Valley rocks up to work in cargo shorts and superhero t-shirts. Also, way to give away the entire movie in the trailer. I’ll probably see it anyway, though, because my other options are a two hour Apple ad or a teenage snarkfest.
Here’s the movie I REALLY wanted to see this week, but sadly it’s not coming to my town. I’ve never even heard of the White House butlers, though, obviously, they must be there. I can’t imagine the President opening his own front door or carrying his own dinner plate. But that’s why it’s fascinating. Who ARE these people? What must they see in the line of duty? They’d be like Winston Churchill’s secretary, full of amazing stories about key points in history. It’s like Gosford Park, but as a historical epic. Thirty years, eight Presidents, Civil Rights, Vietnam, Watergate… and James Marsden as JFK! Hell yeah! Sign me up. My only real concern is that the movie might have had to sacrifice some cohesiveness to cover such as long period, but I’m perfectly willing to pay money to find out. If only I was able…
I saw Woody Allen’s name in the blurb and went “oh no…” but then I decided I was going to try and give him a fair shot. Watch the trailer. Treat it like I didn’t know he was involved. And guess what? It still sounded boring. Oh the trailer made it clear the movie at least had a premise – a woman is broke and has to move in with her sister. But then what? Then she complains a lot and people yell at each other and say awkward things that (I guess) are supposed to be funny. So no, I will not be seeing this one either, Woody Allen. Ever.