Trailer Reviews for the Weekend of July 2nd, 2010

There are two big movies coming out this weekend… well, I say “coming out” in the sense that they’ve already come out because they were too impatient to wait for the actual weekend. Twilight: Eclipse had teenage girls lining up for in on Wednesday morning and The Last Airbender (formerly Avatar: The Last Airbender but they dropped the “Avatar” part so they wouldn’t be confused with James Cameron’s blue thing) premieres tonight. Making their appearances on the actual weekend will be Solitary Man and the limited release of The Girl Who Played With Fire. Hopefully my trailer reviews will help you decide if any of them are worth your time.



TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE



“Isabella Swan, I promise to love you every moment of forever.” PUKE! This is exactly the kind of sappy crap hormonal teenage girls lap up, which is why this movie/book series has already made 17 mountains of money and counting. The first trailer laid the love triangle on heavy, the second one set up a great battle, and this one is somewhere in the middle. The book version of Eclipse was super lame – Stephenie Meyer set up a huge battle and then hid Bella in a cave for the whole thing so she wouldn’t have to write any action scenes. You CANNOT get away with this in a film, which is why I’m actually going to see this movie. I want my battle, dammit! I don’t know why I’m doing a trailer review for Eclipse, though, you already knew whether or not you wanted to see this movie before they even started filming it. Twilight is a polarizing subject in that way.

THE LAST AIRBENDER



I hate anime. There’s just something about the seizure-inducing style of Japanese animation that kicks my scorn reflex into overdrive. The characters throw about one punch each in a battle that lasts the entire episode because they spend most of their time posing in front of a sheen of colored lights. As you may have guessed, this movie is based on an anime show. BUT it’s live action, and it’s directed by M. Night Shyamalan, whose movies I like (ok, maybe not Lady in the Water or The Happening so much). The whole slow-mo superpower kung fu thing actually looks really cool and as long as the kid with the big goofy arrow on his head doesn’t turn out to be a terrible actor, I think I could end up giving this movie a great review.

SOLITARY MAN



“This is Ben Calvin… he’s one of the umpteen million movie characters with two innocuous first names.” This movie looks like an alternate universe version of Wall Street 2. Michael Douglas is successful, Michael Douglas gets in trouble, Michael Douglas goes to jail. In Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps Michael Douglas gets out and proceeds to cause more trouble. In Solitary Man he has a supposedly heartwarming learning experience from perving on a bunch of barely legal girls and becomes a better person. I don’t think I’ll see either of them.

THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE



This movie is Swedish. Let’s get that out there right now in case you thought going to see this movie wouldn’t involve reading. Speaking of reading, this is actually the sequel to The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and both movies are based on books by mystery/crime writer Steig Larsson. You may recall that there was a lot of hubbub around The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. A lot of people thought it was good. I haven’t seen it, but from the trailer its sequel looks cool. Guns, fire, firing guns… as long as there aren’t too many boring talky scenes that drag on forever (Europeans LOVE boring talky scenes that drag on forever) it could be fun to watch. It’s not making my list, though. There are too many movies on there already.

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