THE BOOK THIEF
I picked the book up because it was about kids and Nazis, but ended up ditching it after just a few pages for being disjointed and pretentious. It was told from the perspective of Death and there was no setting or description at all, just clumps of words. It drove me nuts. However, I do think that it could be a decent movie. Why? Because it’s not possible to have a movie with no setting or description! That’s what’s on the screen! And look at the trailer – trains! Houses! Tables! Little girls! Concrete things to look at. I have no idea if there’s enough story, though, and the acting seems a little stiff, but I suppose I’ll see it anyway. It’s probably the only new movie we’ll be getting.
BEST MAN HOLIDAY
I didn’t take in any of this trailer at all. I was completely consumed with hatred for the song they were playing over it – Robin Thicke’s rape anthem “Blurred Lines.” The weird thing is, it doesn’t even fit. It doesn’t flow with the scenes at all and the lyrics drown out the dialogue. Also, what the hell is this movie even about? Some people get together. Someone’s not telling someone something. Something else is on YouTube. The guys dance in shiny suits, and then they all flirt with each other. If there’s an overarching story here, I’m missing it.
DEAR MR. WATTERSON
I LOVE CALVIN AND HOBBES. I loved it even when I was a kid and I didn’t get half the jokes. I don’t know if I want to watch a documentary about Bill Watterson, though. It would be too much like looking behind the curtain. Look! There’s the Great and Powerful Oz! He’s just a dude with a pencil! Luckily, he doesn’t seem to be in here at all. It’s just a bunch of people talking about how they also like Calvin and Hobbes.