SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN
This is the second of the Snow White films to come out this year and it’s also by far the coolest looking version. Where Mirror Mirror was campy and cute, this is gritty and dark. Charlize Theron is incredibly creepy as the evil queen, especially when she’s going all Dementor on that lady and that whole glass-shattering thing looks really neat. The plot seems simple enough that it’s unlikely they can screw it up, but I’m not really sure Kristin Stewart is the best choice for Snow White. That might just be because I hate Twilight, though, so I’m going to go ahead and give her a chance, because I kind of have to. Chris Hemsworth is in it. I can’t miss a movie with Captain Kirk’s daddy.
The blurb for this movie will lead you to believe it’s a sort of Gallileo-esque medical story about a doctor who preaches germ theory to the hacksaw and leeches appreciation society, but a few seconds into the trailer you will realize that the person who wrote that summary is obviously high because it’s actually a movie about the invention of the vibrator. And it looks HILARIOUS. I’d love to see it but I’ll probably have to wait for the DVD because our theater is unlikely to get it. Not because of the vibrator thing, you understand, but because nothing blows up.
A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO ENDINGS
I’ll admit I groaned a little when I read the blurb for this one. Dying man, blah blah regrets, blah blah inheritance, blah blah touching drama yadda yadda. This is why we need trailers, because after watching the trailer for A Beginner’s Guide to Endings I realized that it’s kind of a smart ass movie and that can make up for a lot. I get the impression that the father may have lied to his sons to light a fire under them but there are a lot of movies out there that would be worse than watching three decent actors go through the bucket lists of some pretty off kilter characters. I’d see it if it came on TV or something, but I’ll probably forget about it by tomorrow.
When I saw the title, I thought for a minute that a porno had accidentally made it onto the theater listings because it sounds like one of those lame dirty parodies. But it’s actually the Piranha 3D sequel. I rarely laugh out loud watching trailers but I did for this one when the skeezy boss character announced they’d replaced their old lifeguards with “water certified strippers”. And then I laughed again when David Hasselhoff showed up. And again when that guy had machine guns for prosthetic legs. I’m glad they’ve taken a totally bonkers tone with this movie because there’s no possible way you could get me to take piranhas in a water park seriously. What, did they accidentally get shipped in with the chlorine tablets?
I’ve never been a fan of Bob Marley’s music and I’ve never been high either, so this movie holds no interest for me at all. It doesn’t matter, though. You already know whether you want to see a movie about Bob Marley. Do you own a flag or a t-shirt with his face on it? Then you should be in the lineup for tickets. Everyone will probably be going to see something else.
I was going to pass this one over because I didn’t think there was an English version, but there is and I’m glad, because it looks great. I can totally get why he would pick that guy to look after him – he treats him like a real person, like a friend, not like a job or someone he’s doing a big favor for. I hope they bring this one in for the Cape Breton Film Series next fall because I really want to see it.