Trailer Reviews for March 9, 2012

JOHN CARTER



Taylor Kitsch must be on a big dumb blockbuster kick, because not only did he agree to be in this movie, he’s also going to be in the extremely dumb board game based movie Battleship later on this year. The trailer for this doesn’t start off too bad. Victorian England – always cool. Waking up in a strange place to the accompaniment of mysterious music – okay, I’m liking it, it’s kind of like Stargate … then WHOOPS now he’s in the same stupid armor and skirt and waving a sword around like every ancient Greece/Rome action movie ever. Why bother setting it on Mars, then, if it’s just going to be the same thing? We can just as easily call the aliens monsters and get on with the swashbuckling. And of course his name has to be John. One more unimaginative name from a (paradoxically) unimaginative movie to add to the list. Not impressed.

A THOUSAND WORDS



LOL, how addicted to caffeine are we as a people that we would automatically accept that an expectant father’s first priority when his wife is in labor is to run into Starbucks for a coffee? Or is this bad writing? I’m not really sure, because although the whole “you only have so many words left and then you die” thing is a ridiculous comedy setup, so was “you can’t lie anymore” and “you have to switch bodies with your teenage daughter,” and I liked both Liar Liar and Freaky Friday. I guess it all depends on how well Eddie Murphy can carry the movie. I know he’s taken a lot of flack lately for movies like Daddy Day Care and Norbit, but he’s still a funny guy. Remember Beverly Hills Cop? But since his main hilarity delivery method is talking, I dunno… we’ll have to see.

I AM BRUCE LEE



I’m not a big Bruce Lee fan. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever even seen one of his movies (I know, I know, I’m a bad person, blah blah blah). But even if I was a fan, I still don’t think I’d go for this movie. I mean, it’s supposed to be about Bruce Lee, but all they really show is celebrities talking about how awesome Bruce Lee is. There’s like one old interview of Bruce Lee to warrant the title. Where are the interviews with Bruce Lee historians? With his apprentices and co-workers and family members? Where’s the info about who Bruce Lee was outside of his movies? Not in this trailer, that’s for sure. Therefore I can’t trust this movie to be more than a two hour geek-out by Bruce Lee acolytes.

FRIENDS WITH KIDS



This one’s only a limited release, but I don’t see why. It’s got Maya Rudolph and Kristin Wiig, who are fresh off the success of Bridesmaids, plus Jon Hamm of the very popular TV show Mad Men, plus it’s a romantic comedy coming out at a time when the only other vaguely romantic movies still in theaters are The Vow (yawn) and Wanderlust, which is more of a straight comedy. So how could this movie not make money? I can only assume they will release it more widely later, because it looks cute and funny and I want to see it. Sure, it’s a dumb idea, but aren’t all romantic comedies based around a dumb idea? (let’s have them get married through a computer glitch! No, emails!) And anyway, I want to see Adam Scott get the girl after Amy Adams unjustifiably ditched him in favor of Matthew Goode in Leap Year (which was terrible, don’t watch it).

THE SILENT HOUSE



“It will tear them apart…” the trailer said. “I hope you mean literally,” I thought, “because this is another one of those family dramas where everyone screams at each other in foreign languages about how they have no career goals and they want to sleep with their gardener, I’m going to scream.” Luckily, it is a horror movie, but even though it’s based on a true story, it’s still nothing new. Oooh they’re trapped in a house, scary. The only really crazy thing is that it’s filmed in one shot, which seems impressive at first, but you have to wonder, why would they do that? And doesn’t this mean that they can’t edit out flubbed lines and bad shots without doing the whole thing over? Yes, that’s exactly what it means. This could lend it a Blair Witch kind of immediacy, but we’ll have to see.

SALMON FISHING IN YEMEN



I looked at the title of this one and assumed it was one of those small time foreign dramas and that I wouldn’t have to talk about it, but nope, I was wrong. It’s got Ewan McGregor in it, therefore it automatically warrants consideration. That’s how The Awesome List works. And Ewan McGregor is on it for good reason – he very rarely chooses movies I don’t like. I mean, look at this movie. It’s hilarious. They’re going to trap like a million salmon and take them to Yemen for a vacation because the government wants a positive news story. It sounds downright… plausible. Leave it to the British. Anyway, I want to see it. When can I see it, oh overlords of movie chosingness from the theater head office?

Also, if you live in Sydney (Nova Scotia, not Australia), on Thursday at 7pm the Cape Breton Film Series people are showing Like Crazy, one of those dramas about how enduring young love is. You can check out the trailer review here and see if you want to do.

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