NEW YEAR’S EVE
With the near total non-failure of last year’s Valentine’s Day, Garry Marshall seems to have decided to continue making movies named after holidays and featuring (almost) the same humungous cast of celebrities falling in love with each other (a model they ripped off of Love Actually, which you will notice is not named for a holiday, but happens at Christmas). Anyway if you plan to see this movie, it’s probably a good idea not to watch the trailer (oops, too late) because it gives away the pairings and the “problems” that the characters have which will be solved in the inevitable happy ending. So it’s predictable, yes, but I’m going to it. Why? My major reason starts with J and ends with Osh Duhamel.
As you can see, New Year’s Eve didn’t have a lot of competition this week. Way to ruin Adventures in Babysitting by putting Jonah Hill in it. Would I trust this guy with my kids? No. Would I let him live in my house and sponge off me? No. Even if he was my own son? Still no. In fact, it gives me great pleasure to see my dipsh** hypothetical son get punched in the face by drug dealers. I can think of a lot of things I’d rather buy than an $11.50 ticket to this movie. A new pair of mittens that don’t have holes in them. A DVD of Ghost Rider. Nine cans of creamed corn. You can put that on the DVD box, 20th Century Fox. “The Sitter is less enticing than nine cans of creamed corn.”
EYE OF THE STORM
This movie is Australian, so I’ll talk about it even though it’s probably only playing in about 5 theaters, all of which are in Toronto. Okay… rich people, with you so far… deciding when to die, okay, hints of suicide there…. wait, is her hair purple? Why does she have purple hair?? And her son looks strangely like Prince Charles. Has Geoffrey Rush ever played Prince Charles? No? Well they missed an opportunity there. This is pretty funny, actually. I mean, her idea of committing suicide is to hang around outside waiting to be hit by lightning? Shouldn’t she at least be on the roof? With a golf club or something? I’ll probably end up renting this in like five years when I remember that it exists.