TRANSFORMERS 3: DARK OF THE MOON
My loathing for the second title in this series, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is well documented. I hate it so much that this one cannot possibly be bad enough to rival it. There are several things about it that give me hope that I might not want to kill myself to end the agony while I’m watching it. The first is that the first thirty or so seconds of this trailer makes Transformers 3 look like another, different sci-fi movie that I might actually like to see (then they showed Shia LaDouche, as my friend Angella calls him, and ruined it). The second is that since the writers are no longer on strike, there may actually have been a script written for the film. And the third is that Megan Fox has been replaced (by a British faux Megan Fox, but anything would be an improvement). Will it be enough to save Transformers 3 from a review heaped with scorn? We shall see.
Call me crazy, but I actually kind of want to see this. It’s like a bubblegum take on the Prince(ess) and the Pauper. Sure it’s got the same travel/cultural clash jokes that every movie featuring an American going somewhere else (how many times are they going to recycle that same “American plug, foreign socket” thing??) and her friends almost look old enough to have children who are Selena Gomez fans, but it’s got a weird kind of charm to it. I suppose it helps that Selena Gomez is a celebrity of the Disney variety – i.e. wholesome and not actually a bad role model for impressionable youngsters. If there wasn’t such a huge potential for hilarity in the a Transformers 3 review, I’d see this instead.
I like Tom Hanks as much as the next person, but I just feel like I’ve seen this movie before. In fact, I think Hanks’ whole generation of uber-celebrities have each made their own “I’m old and washed up but look how quirky/hopeful/bittersweet/action packed my life still is” movies. Mel Gibson’s got The Beaver, Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, and Steve Martin made It’s Complicated, Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, and John Malkovich were in RED… hell, even Indiana Jones was old and creaky (but still spry and funny!) in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This is the same sort of thing. The theme isn’t new anymore, but it looks half decently funny. I’ll probably catch it on DVD.
Oh… kay. So this is like Eastern Promises crossed with Deadwood, but in Canada? That music was totally wrong for the visuals and the font they used made it look like they put the trailer together in Windows Movie Maker, so I don’t have high hopes of this being any good. Even if I liked mobster stories (which I don’t) I still wouldn’t see it. There is the slight tug of “but it’s Canadian…” but this tug has never really been strong enough to drag me into the theaters to see movies I didn’t already think I might like. Pass.