Top 5 and Bottom 5 Movies of 2010

happy old year
Well, 2010 is over. Even though, if you’re like me, you still keep writing 2010 on everything, it’s officially 2011 now and time for a whole new crop of movies. Before I push on, however, I’d like to go back and review the best 5 and worst 5 movies I’ve seen this year, just in case you were living in a cave or something and now you have time for five movies ONLY before you go back in again. Those of you who’ve read my top 5/bottom 5 of 2009, know that only movies I’ve seen are in the running and since I am not a bottomless well of time and/or money, I can only see one a week (sorry, The Town, and Get Low you missed out) and I generally try not to pick ones I KNOW are going to be horrible. You know, like a normal person.
So onward, with the normal non-rich person’s bestest and worstest movies of 2010!


# 5. Diary of a Wimpy Kid

A young boy schemes to make himself popular in his first year of middle school and ends up alienating all his friends.

I know, I know, Jeff Kinney’s books are revered by fart-sound-loving ten year old boys the world over, and the film adaptation did well at the box office. But it was bad. Zachary Gordon can’t act. The four credited writers can’t structure a coherent story. The target age group is way off. And you better hope your kid doesn’t start modeling his behavior off of Greg Heffley because the kid is a jerk. Read my review for a more comprehensive run down on why it’s not a movie, it’s a piece of crap.

Buy Diary of a Wimpy Kid on DVD or on Blu-Ray
… because you’re really a fart-sound-loving ten year old boy at heart.

# 4. The Wolfman

In Victorian England, a man attacked by animals finds himself stricken with a terrible curse that makes him turn half-animal on the full moon.

If you ask me, the terrible curse is on whoever is unlucky enough to be watching this movie, because it is painfully stilted, obvious, and lame to the point of almost but not quite being funny. I don’t know what Benico Del Toro, Emily Blunt, and Anthony Hopkins were smoking when they agreed to do this film, but I don’t want any because it makes you make terrible decisions. Bad special effects, unintentionally corny lines, and stupid plot development make this one shoo-in for the worst list. Read my review to find out exactly why seeing this movie is a terrible decision.

Buy The Wolfman on DVD or on Blu-Ray
… because you were smoking the bad thing too.

# 3. Legion

In the middle of a Biblical apocalypse, a fallen angel attempts to save a pregnant modern day Mary.

God obviously has a dim view of humanity if he’s sending hoards of monsters to wipe us out, and the filmmakers obviously have a dim view of their audience if they think ripping off a variety of other movies (badly) is going to please us. Bad dialogue, confusing direction, total lack of structure, and generic shaky-filmed action all combine to make a decent premise into a terrible movie. Read my review to find out why this movie is worse than anything God could really throw at us.

Buy Legion on DVD or on Blu-Ray
… so you can stick it to your sandwich board as proof
that humanity’s not worth saving.

#2. Resident Evil: Afterlife

A warrior woman looks for her friend in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse.

Zombie stories are all the rage, but zombie stories are also all the same. There are some people. They are chased by zombies. They try not to be eaten, but some of them are. The end. The story is so simple we can ignore it and focus on the tension and horror of almost being eaten. The Resident Evil people never really understood this. Even back when the franchise was just a bad video game they always packed it with confusing subplots and conspiracies. This one is by far the worst incarnation. Read my review to hear more about how zombies themselves could write a better movie.

Buy Resident Evil: Afterlife on DVD or on Blu-Ray
… if your brains were already eaten by zombies.

#1. Leap Year

A woman travels to Ireland to propose to her boyfriend on Leap Day and falls for an Irishman instead.

Of all the lazy efforts I’ve seen this year, this one was by far the laziest. There’s no lack of latent talent in the group that made this movie. Amy Adams did Enchanted. Matthew Goode was in Brisdeshead Revisited. Deborah Kaplan and Harry Elfont wrote Josie and the Pussycats. But here they’re all just phoning it in. No attempt was made to make this movie funny, intelligent, or convincing. It’s just a lazy stamping out of the barest bones of the Rom Com formula, and for that they’re all darned to heck, as well as to being recorded for posterity on the internet as the worst movie of 2010. Read my review for a complete run down on why this movie is a crime against humanity.

Buy Leap Year on DVD or on Blu-Ray
… because you love it when filmmakers have no respect for your intelligence.


# 5. Knight and Day

A woman gets caught up in an espionage plot when she meets an alleged spy on a plane.

Several interpretations of the “normal person meets spy, hijinks ensue” premise have come out this year, including Killers and The Tourist, but this one is so awesome and hilarious that it easily leaves them all in the dust. Watching Knight and Day was probably the most fun I’ve at a movie all year. Tom Cruise is batsh** insane, the writing (both dialogue and situational) is hysterical, the story is tight, and the action is fresh. I wasn’t expecting much from it and was totally taken aback by how good it was. Read my review for more detailed reasons as to why this movie needs to come over to your house.

Buy Knight and Day on DVD or on Blu-Ray
… because you love fun!

# 4. Daybreakers

A scientist in a world dominated almost entirely by vampires must find an alternate food source for the starving population.

Probably no one remembers Daybreakers because it came out so early in the year, but I do because it’s such a fantastic idea for a movie and it actually lived up to the promise it showed in its trailers. The vampire thing has been done to death in a million different variations, but this film touches on them all and goes beyond them at the same time. This is science fiction and horror at its best, because no pre-knowledge of or affinity for sci-fi is required to get into it. But want to know the most amazing part? It was filmed on a tiny budget! And it looks great! Read my review to find out why its awesomeness can be traced back to Australia.

Buy Daybreakers on DVD or on Blu-Ray
… if you think Edward Cullen is a pussy.

# 3. Easy A

A teenage girl pretends to sleep with losers to earn money and social standing.

This is one of the wackiest, least likely movie ideas I’ve heard of this year. It shouldn’t work. But it totally works. And what’s more, the movie is hilarious in a really intelligent way that a lot of movies aimed at teens just aren’t anymore. It references classic literature, it has parents who actually parent, and it makes fun of other teen movies. Emma Stone is great but she doesn’t have to carry the movie herself because Easy A is strong in an often overlooked area: supporting characters. Read my review to find out why Burt V. Royal is my new favorite person.

Buy Easy A on DVD or on Blu-Ray
… because you want to laugh until your face hurts.

#2. How to Train Your Dragon

A young Viking defies tradition by befriending the dragon he’s supposed to kill.

This movie is an example of what you can achieve when you put cutting edge 3D special effects together with a strong story – perfection. The effects were so lifelike it was exhilarating and the complex plot actually managed to surprise me even though it was written for children. Heartwarming, clever, inventive, exciting, and cool looking, How to Train Your Dragon is the best of family cinema. I would be very surprised if it didn’t win the Best Animated Feature Oscar. Read my review for cute pictures of Toothless the dragon.

Buy How to Train Your Dragon on DVD or on Blu-Ray
… because you NEED to own Toothless!

#1. The King’s Speech

An English Prince must overcome his speech impediment to rally his people to stand against Hitler.

As much as I hate to agree with the “real” film critics, The King’s Speech is amazing. It’s a true story of the year-spanning kind that is often nearly impossible to adapt into a coherent movie, but David Seidler does it beautifully. Colin Firth deserves every bit of praise being leveled at him for his performance, because he’s nearly unrecognizable. But the best part about The King’s Speech, for me anyway, was how downright hilarious it was. It’s an example of how you don’t need any fancy special effects to make a perfect movie. Even though it’s not in a lot of theaters, this is a film for everyone, not just the festival crowd.

Buy The King’s Speech on DVD or on Blu-Ray
… because you want to help take this movie back
from the urban snootocracy.

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