No spoilers until you get beyond the “read more”, I promise 😉
So we’re entering into the last few episodes of Battlestar Galactica and I expected to be amazed and astounded and excited as everything is revealed, things wind up, pieces fit together, etc. etc. etc.
Instead what I get is an increasingly frenzied series of shouted ultimatums and tearful breakdowns that aren’t moving the plot much and only last for about 90 seconds before they cut to something else because they’re trying to juggle WAY TOO MANY CHARACTERS.
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen some of these people this season
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, more characters does not equal more betterness. All it does is bury the primary ones they’ve made us love underneath a slurry of new secondary characters that I don’t care about and probably won’t even have time to care about before the series ends.
We haven’t seen more than about a minute per episode of Helo since before the New Caprica fiasco (not counting last week’s out-of character epic failure at life that we shall not speak of) in favor of increasingly large numbers of identical 6s and 8s and periperary political figures. (I’m sure hjea will agree that this is not at all okay)
Because of this barely anything has even happened since the middle of season 3. So at this point, I’m not pumped about the 2-hour finale because the way they’ve been going they’ll need two full hours just to give all the characters each a 10-second “closure” scene.
In fact, I can solve all their problems right now with my brilliant idea on how to save the world.
It’s four simple words, folks. Here they are:
That’s right, you heard me. Cylon/Human Frakking Day. It’s a holiday in which all the angry people (and the not angry ones, too, if you can find any of those) and all the bitter cylon skin jobs can relive their stress by shacking up with one another.
Because let’s face it, this kid:
Who, incidentally looked about 3 in the last episode and about 6 in this one, WTF is up with that?
…is supposed to be the key to everything. Cavill and his goonies even kidnapped her so they could open her up and study her. But I’ll tell you where she came from. I learned it in grade 6 sex education. I can even tell you how to make more. Frakking.
I know, I know. You’re little experiments didn’t go so well before…
Unsurprisingly. Mmm. Doesn’t that look like a healthy place to procreate?
…but did you ever think all the drugs you were giving those ladies to keep them from running away was maybe throwing off their womby bits a little? And anyway, you never tried it the other way, with a cylon womby and some human spermies. Helo and Sharon did. And ta da!
Even Tighe, who’s sort of a cylon, managed to make a baby that way with a 6. I know, I know, she miscarried. But guess what? THAT HAPPENS OCCASIONALLY TO PEOPLE, TOO and we don’t interpret it as evidence of our fundamental incompatibility with each other.
So do us all a favor. Get it on and get it out of your systems. Look what your all that angsty racism has done to Sammy! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!
weirdly enough, Kara seems to like him better when he’s dying
Oh, and for the record, when I said “you better not let Sam die, you bastards!” I did not mean I wanted him to turn into THIS:
i.e. one of the Minority Report-style precognitive GOO PEOPLE!!
Rant as I must, I’ll watch the last episodes, you know I will. I’m cursed with the sort of optimism that makes me keep hoping it will get better again (otherwise known as X-Files syndrome).