An Open Letter from the Battlestar Galactica to its Inhabitants


It’s really hard for me to hold a pen, so I’m only going to say this once…

It all started when Starbuck came back…


Oh, hi Kara. Welcome back. It’s been a while. What? Oh. It hasn’t? Six hours you say? Hmm. Have you checked your tapes? Blank? Hmm. Did they record six hours worth of static? I watched a movie one time where that helped.

Actually, you should get on that, Tyrol. The deck crews all know they’re supposed to hurry up and fix the fighters. They don’t need you to yell the completely obvious at them. It would probably actually go faster if you picked up a wrench yourself once in a while. Just a thought.

Wow, Kara. You know where Earth is? That’s so cool! I– oops. The bosses don’t believe you. They say you’re a Cylon. Have you noticed they’ve been really cranky lately? Lee, can you try and do something about that? Lee?

Can you stop hugging her for a second!? I’m trying to talk to you!

Okay, so Roslin and Adama are cranky. So what? They’ve got an excuse. Roslin’s dying again and people Adama loves keep getting killed. But you, Gaeta, what are you, PMSing? Stop being so bitchy.

Oh, good. Helo, there you are. Finally, someone who talks sense. Hey where’s your baby, anyway? She’s cute and–

Hey! Where did you find that compartment! Who said you could do that in my compartment! Stop that right now!

No, sorry, Kara, I will not jump where you tell me to. Why? Because Roslin and Adama think you’re a Cylon and Cylons are ALL BAD. Right? Am I right?

Oh. Sorry, Athena. Yeah, no, I didn’t mean you. No offense or anything. All CYLONS EXCEPT ATHENA ARE BAD.

What was that, Sam? No, I didn’t mean you, either. You’re awesome. Good job with that Cylon fleet. How did you do that? Yeah, well and I guess your friends, too…. okay, okay, so being a Cylon doesn’t mean anything anymore.

What? Wait a minute! That doesn’t mean resort to violence! Woah! Eveyone! Calm the shit down!

So now Kara’s going to kill Sam…

Sam, Tighe, Tyrol and Tori going to kill themselves…

crazy religion bitch is going to kill strangers…

who are going to kill Baltar…

who is going to kill everyone if he gets in charge again. Sigh. And there goes Kara again.

Lee, paging Lee, can you please talk your girlfriend down (again)?

You know what? Screw ALL you guys. Give me those pictures. I’m going to this “Earth” place so I can get some freaking repairs. Have you SEEN the state of me lately? How am I supposed to get any lady ships looking like this?

Here’s where the photos came from.

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6 Responses to An Open Letter from the Battlestar Galactica to its Inhabitants

Haha, I love how you don’t care about spoiling people for the entire plot of a recently aired episode that not everyone may have seen yet, because episodes air at different dates all over the world, or some people record them to watch later when the rest of their family can be home.

OH WAIT.

Dude, LJ CUT IS YOUR FRIEND, OKAY. 🙂

Seriously, hon, I love your pictorial posts, but I don’t want to have to avoid Livejournal if I can’t see an episode right away, because I’m afraid you’re going to give away the ending.

Also, dude, HOW HOT IS HELO OKAY? Seriously hot. Need more Helo scenes, Battlestar writers, seriously.

Okay okay, here, I fixed it. I never think about that because it’s mainly just Heather who reads the Battlestar stuff, and she always posts before me on it anyway.

Also, Helo is hot, I gotta agree with you there. What is this two-scene atrocity? But Sam is way hotter. And now that he’s a pilot…. yowza. Much love for this epside, which he is in a lot.

In all honesty, I love Lee, but mostly I love him for Kara. Because he is way too emo for life. Ha ha Leemo!

Also, the episode aired like three whole days ago. WHO COULD WAIT THAT LONG??!

Not me.

Everyone in my house has wildly different schedules, and if I dare to watch Battlestar or Stargate without them, they will cut a bitch. My dad had concerts on Friday and Saturday, so we only watched it last night.

Dude, I miss the Helo/Tyrol tension of earlier seasons, when they were both almost-kinda banging the same Cylon chick. I was waiting for hot threesome action that never came. Emo!Lee is totally not my cup of tea. I find him almost as annoying as Richard Hatch’s Apollo. Personally, if I’m not drooling over Helo, I’m squeaking with joy over scenes with Gaeta. (Yeah, yeah, of course he’s my type. He’s a scrawny nerd boy, what did you expect?) And I would totally bang Starbuck like a screen door.

And I hope they address the fact that, hello, Tyrol’s baby is clearly another Cylon hybrid kid. What about your prophecies now, guys?

GAETA!? REALLY? Yuckmouth. I find him weaselly and irritating. But I guess that’s the sort of thing you go for, eh ;P especially this episode where he was being all like “NO I WON’T HELP YOU, GAWD!” Starbuck is totally right because she’s awesome, and I’m mad at all the closed-minds (*cough*RoslinwhomI’veneverreallyliked*cough*) who are about to throw her in the brig, if the next-week preview is to be believed.

Yeah I know what you’re saying about the BSG schedules. But I wait for no one, except unfortunately, my kitty, who had just gotten fixed and was fighting the no-stitches-licking cone and made me miss bits of the show!

I like Helo, he’s pretty and he’s got his head on straight. The reason I’m not over the moon for him like you and is that he’s kind of the straight man, like he doesn’t have any parts of his personality blown way out into the stratosphere (hence the lack of screen time. No conflict with the orbits of his giant personality flaw intersecting with another person’s)

Personally, I’ve grown absurdly fond of Sam Anders. At first I was all like “Nooooo why do you have to take Starbuck away from Leeeeee!” but he’s really grown in my estimation due to bad-ass rebel fighting and becoming a star pilot. Now I’m just sad that he’s not with somebody who appreciates him (a bullet between the eyes !) I’m kind of not liking Starbuck for that. She’s being closed minded too! (neither am I a fan of the implied Sam/Tori potential. I think she’s a bitch)

Yeah I was wondering about the prophecy thing too. Hera and Nick are even about the same age. And other people will be having babies too, they’ll have a whole freaking day-care full of half-cylons pretty soon.

Guh, Richard Hatch’s Apollo. I cannot even describe how lame I found that whole show (sorry, old Battlestar and its fans) frikkin Boxy and his Daggit or whatever. I don’t even particularly like Richard Hatch’s Tom Zarek. I’m glad we haven’t seen him for a while.

А я вот сессию сдала наконец-то!!! И кто придумал летом учиться, из года вгод, убеждаюсь, что это полный бред. Крыша едет, как у нас студентов, так и у преподов! Ну невозможно в такую жару сидеть в душных аудиториях.
Кстати, те кто скажет, что кондиционер – это спасение в жару, глубоко ошибаются. У нас в группе 2 человек с бронхитом слегли!!!
В общем, всем студентам – сил и упорства в сдаче экзаменов, а тем кто сдал – поздравляю с началом лета для нас!!! УРА!!!!

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