Category: Theatrical Reviews

Into the Storm Review

poster from the Warner Bros. film Into the Storm

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles came out this weekend, but I decided not to pay Michael Bay to retroactively ruin my childhood. I didn’t completely forego 90s nostalgia, though. I chose Into the Storm, a tornado movie that I hoped would re-create the ‘wow’ factor from my first viewing of Twister.

A high school vice principal and his videographer son tag along with a team of tornado chasers in order to rescue his other son from a tornado-demolished factory.

Armchair storm chasing is one of my family’s favorite hobbies. Everybody who was in town turned out for this movie, even though it wasn’t all that popular among regular folks. Into the Storm was no Twister. Take out the tornados and it would be terrible. But you can’t take out the tornados, because it’s a tornado movie. So it’s still pretty awesome.

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Guardians of the Galaxy Review

poster from the Marvel Studios film Guardians of the Galaxy

I don’t read many superhero comic books, so before they started brewing up this movie, I’d never heard of Guardians of the Galaxy. I do watch science fiction films though, so even if this hadn’t been a Marvel movie I’d still have gone on opening night. Because spaceships! Handsome smugglers! Gun-toting raccoons!

A thief, an assassin, a revenge-obsessed father, a genetically modified raccoon, and a huge talking plant join forces to keep a world-ending weapon out of the hands of terrorists.

Guardians of the Galaxy is similar to The Avengers in that it involves a bunch of smartasses with diverse skills reluctantly teaming up to stop evildoers. The big difference for me was that while The Avengers was almost all infighting, actual plot actually happens in Guardians of the Galaxy, which makes it the better movie.

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Lucy Review

poster from the Universal Pictures Film Lucy

My theater got zero movies that I wanted to see this week. I contemplated staying home and reviewing a much more promising looking DVD, but my friends were in town. So I let them pick the movie (well, to be fair, the decision was made on the basis of start time rather than content). Anyway, they picked Lucy, the movie I thrashed in my trailer reviews.


A coerced drug mule goes after the Triad who kidnapped her when a drug bag leaks and gives her superpowers.

Sometimes there’s a small possibility that I might like a movie I didn’t like as a trailer. This is usually because the trailer failed to get at the essence of the story. But with Lucy this was not possible. With Lucy, the premise is the problem. It’s just another revenge movie, but based on the fallacy that we only use 10% of our brains.

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Planes: Fire and Rescue Review

poster from the Disney film Planes Fire and Rescue

To people who are not me, this would be another lean week for movies. However, since I automatically line up for all movies concerning airplanes and/or firefighting, I was excited for this weekend. I thought the only problem with Planes was its resemblance (story-wise) to Cars, so this time, with firefighting planes, it had to be different. Right?

After a gearbox failure a racing airplane trains as a firefighter in order to help save his hometown.

As a pure Disney effort rather than a Disney-Pixar film, Planes: Fire and Rescue is pretty good. The characters are cute, there are scenes of exciting action, and a handful of jokes that made me laugh out loud. Unfortunately Fire and Rescue lacked heart, which means that by next week I’ll probably have forgotten all about it.

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The Fault in Our Stars Review

poster from the 20th Century Fox film The Fault in Our Stars

I wanted to see Begin Again this week, but all we got was Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, and as I previously mentioned, Planet of the Apes has overstayed its welcome. So my brother and I decided to go to a film from a few weeks ago: The Fault in Our Stars. I havn’t read the John Green novel (not because I wouldn’t, I just haven’t gotten around to it) but I knew it would be sad.

Two teens with cancer meet at a support group and fall in love.

I’m not opposed to sad movies per se. I’m opposed to tearjerkers. For those of you who don’t go to a lot of dramas, sad movies are like The Boy in the Sriped Pajamas. They’re all about conveying the reality of sad situations. Tearjerkers are like The Notebook. They’re all about hamfistedly slapping tears out of your face. This movie is the former.

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Deliver Us From Evil Review

poster from the Sony Pictures film Deliver Us From Evil

This week I refused to see Tammy on the grounds that it’s just a giant fat joke. I also rejected Earth to Echo, because I saw E.T. and have no desire to watch a remake starring annoying modern kids. Deliver Us From Evil didn’t look all that special either, but it had three things to recommend itself by: Eric Bana, Edgar Ramirez, and Sinister.

A police officer with a talent for finding trouble turns to a renegade priest for help tracking down a painter possessed by evil.

I was expecting hot guys and some good scares from this movie, but I only got one out of two. Eric Bana and Edgar Ramirez were still worth the ticket price, but writer/director Scott Derrickson failed to recreate the “I am about to chew my own fingers off” tension levels I remember so well from Sinister.

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A Fake Review of Transformers: Age of Extinction

Transformers was dumb. I huffed and snorted so much during Transformers 2 that despite all the noisy explosions, by brother still had to tell me to shut up. Transformers 3 was perhaps the worst of all, in that it was so mediocre I didn’t even enjoy tearing it apart. There was no chance of me going to see Transformers: Age of Extinction, is the point I’m trying to get at. But since it was the only new movie playing this week at my theater, I present you this in lieu of a review.

Transformers Age of Extinction

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How to Train Your Dragon 2 Review

poster from the Dreamworks Pictures film How to Train Your Dragon 2

The only new movie we got at my theater this week was Jersey Boys, and since I couldn’t sit through two hours of Frankie Valley’s horrible voice without driving nails into my ears, I went to How to Train Your Dragon 2. I loved the first one, but didn’t feel it needed a sequel, so I had no idea whether I would be impressed or not.


20-year-old Hiccup clashes with his father over whether it would be better to reason with or hide from the villain who plans to attack their village with a dragon army.

In some respects, I was right. How to Train Your Dragon 2 was not necessary, but it was enjoyable. Like most sequels, Dreamworks made it because there was more money in the franchise, but there are a few new elements to keep the story from getting too stale and the dragons are (of course) still cute.

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22 Jump Street Review

poster from the Columbia Pictures movie 22 Jump Street

I don’t normally like ‘dumb guy’ comedies, but I have a friend who likes to make me go to them. Sometimes they stink. Sometimes they surprise you. 21 Jump Street was one of the ones that surprised me. It was a remake and it had Jonah Hill, but in places it was smart enough to qualify as a satire. I chose to see the sequel because I was hoping lightning would strike twice.


Two former undercover high schoolers are sent to college to track down the supplier of a new designer drug.

I spent 26 hours teaching five-year-olds how to camp in between seeing this movie and writing this review, so I wish I could say ‘yeah, it’s funny’ and go have the nap I’ve been craving for 25.5 hours. But I have to be more professional than that (because… reasons?) so I’ll tell you that lightning did strike twice: I went into it with doubts and was surprised by how good it was.

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Chef Review

poster  from the Open Road Pictures film Chef

I was mildly interested in seeing all three of this week’s movies: Edge of Tomorrow, The Fault in Our Stars, and Chef. But while the first two likely won’t need any help from me, the third one might. It’s written and directed by Iron Man‘s Jon Favreau, so I felt like I owed it my ticket money (Iron Man was f***ing awesome).


A disaffected restaurant chef reconnects with his son and rediscovers the joy of cooking when he drives his own food truck across the country.

Chef is listed as a comedy. It has its funny moments, but I’d classify it more as a dramedy, funny drama, or maybe even an upbeat drama. There were only seven people in the theater when I went, but there should have been more, because Chef is the kind of movie that even people who don’t go to movies will like.

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